Thursday, November 3, 2016

Resilience, Rewards, Radiance, and Research

Most of my little world is still beautiful!

 I love autumn! Usually I am energized by the cooler weather and the ever changing colors. In light of my greenhouse disaster I have been feeling somewhat overwhelmed and not quite exhausted, but certainly low on energy. Although I continue to eat well, enjoy my walks, exercise, and sleep well, I notice that I am not always feeling as "lit up" or as radiant as usual. The task of cleaning up all the debris- even with help- is difficult, somewhat dangerous ( so much twisted steel and broken glass- some of which is still poised to fall!). Just plain daunting.

So I have been thinking about what I have done successfully in the past to get through overwhelm and low energy.. The first thing that pops up for me is "this too shall pass". I have a plan for getting through the cleanup and on to the fun part of planning the new greenhouse. I know I am resilient. I bounce back pretty quickly from difficult experiences. I have had plenty of practice!

Still, I am dragging my feet. This week I am just doing a little bit at a time. The weather is co-operating so I can afford to take baby steps for awhile. Sadly, my gardener is unable to help me because she is taking care of a seriously ill family member. I  miss her. She cheers me up as we do tasks I am unable- or unwilling- to do on my own. So I am carving out an hour or two a day when the sun is brightest. I am doing what I can.

Then I reward myself! Yesterday it was with a Youtube video in Italian teaching me how to crochet a sweater . Two treats in one! I LOVE learning Italian and I LOVE making pretty clothes. Rewards are necessary! Making a list of rewards I want can be a reward...

 Rewards bring back my radiance! I light up when I am enjoying life, having fun, learning new things... Radiance for me means feeling glow-y inside. Happy just to be alive. Enjoying and appreciating the beauty around me. Posting these photographs! Enjoying and appreciating my own beauty. Dancing!

 I want to discover how you deal with set-backs, disappointments, disasters...Here is the beginning of my research:
When you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, daunted : what words do you use to describe your feelings ? What concerns or anxieties are coming up for you?
When you feel lit up, radiant, full of energy, what words do you use to describe your feelings?
When do you feel  lit up, radiant, full of energy ?

Chestnut tree
Walk down the road


Louisiana cypress trees
View from my kitchen
Thank you for reading my blog! I love comments. I would really appreciate reflections on my first research questions.  It makes me happy to see others in their radiance and high energy. See you next week!


Stephanie Faris said...

I went through the 2010 Nashville flood and we had to rebuild our house, so I know how that sort of thing can consume your life. It is important to find those little moments where you can...and definitely reward yourself!

Anonymous said...

Your country lane pictures are beautiful and I'm impressed you can learn to crochet in Italian! Sorry to hear you are down, though. Not surprising with such a big project ahead of you. I find that an unexpected compliment or criticism can really turn a day around emotionally. On that note, here is a compliment for you: You are amazing! Keep singing and dancing!

Barbara Fisher said...

Hello Colleen,
Your little world is indeed beautiful, but I’m not surprised your energy is low. Something of this magnitude is bound to sap your strength, but I know you will bounce back. Hopefully this time next year, it will all be but a distant memory.

I typed the above before reading your second paragraph and then realised I had almost quoted you word-for-word with regard bouncing back!

I so wished I lived closer to you. I would gladly lend a hand while your gardener is away. I can’t do that, but I am sending you positive vibes.

In answer to your questions;

Stressed or maybe even depressed. I can get depressed if I don’t watch my feelings but having once (long ago) suffered from clinical depression, I try to nip those feelings in the bud.

Terry’s parents are frail, which is a worry because we don’t really know how it will be resolved. They refuse to consider residential care or help at home so it is a constant worry.

Happy, blessed, loved.

colleen said...

Stephanie! I cannot imagine losing your house to a flood. I made it through hurricanes in New Orleans with damage, but we were on high ground so we never lost anything to a flood.
I would love to hear how you managed. Did you write about it?
I would also love to know how you rewarded yourself during the cleanup and the rebuilding. Please send me links to any writing you have done about this if you are willing to share them. Thank you so much for your comment!

colleen said...

Marcia, thank you so much for your comment. I have been studying Italian for some time, and I look for subjects I know about to learn more. Crochet is one of my favorite hobbies!
Thank you for the compliment. I will remind myself to be amazing when I sing and dance and I will remember your words. I hope you do not get criticism very often! It can be very stinging.How do you turn it around for yourself?

colleen said...

Barbara! I continue to be amazed and delighted by how much we have in common.
How do you nip the feelings in the bud before they slide you down toward depression?
I can imagine your concern about Terry's parents. My mother, my step-mother and my uncle all refused care as they became frail and eventually ill. It was very worrying.Eventually we worked out acceptable home care-but only when they were willing to accept it. It seemed to me to take a long time for each of them to accept their situations. It was very hard to respect their wishes and there were some "adventures" along the way. I hope things will go more smoothly for Terry's parents. It is so difficult for many of us to accept that we are becoming more frail and unable to do things we are accustomed to.
Happy, blessed and loved! I hope you feel like that everyday!

Barbara Fisher said...

It is not easy Colleen, and I would never suggest it is, but I am very strict with myself! When I feel depression sitting on my shoulder, I walk more, talk to friends and give myself the odd treat. It may be something as simple as a bar of chocolate or a new book – but it really does help. I try to count my blessings and look for the positive in things – much like you. My blogging friends also give me a boost, thank you for being one of them.

colleen said...

Barbara! I love the way you are strict with yourself. A bar of chocolate works wonders for me! Do they still make Cadbury Fruit and Nut bars in plain chocolate? They were my standby- I used to bring home many of them from the UK. I hope you have a cozy Guy Fawkes observance tonight!

Barbara Fisher said...

I know Cadbury make fruit and nut bars in milk chocolate because I eat them all the time! Not sure about in plain chocolate, I must have a look next time I'm in the supermarket.
I’ve left this reply on my blog but will copy it here in case you don’t see it; I always check with my son and daughter in law before using any photographs of the girls and they never mind at all. Karen is a photographer, and her website is full of photographs of the girls, so they are quite used to being in the public domain. It was kind of you to ask before Pinning, but I know it is perfectly fine.
I hope things are progressing with your big clean up operation. xx

colleen said...

Another thing we have in common! Cadbury Fruit and Nut bars!
I would love to post photos on my ballet board and the beauty board - no names! I do respect privacy. If I decide to do a blog on my adventures (continuing now!) in ballet I will send you the rough draft via email so that you can check with her parents if it is ok to use her photo there. I always check first- even with friends who give me carte blanche!

Barbara Fisher said...

Thank you so much Colleen, I will be sure to send it on to her mummy and daddy.